#I go to a monthly trans meetup

[no2da]

i feel like vaguely talking about building community is not helpful at all but like concrete steps on how to do that. im not american and neither do have any significant following so i expect my contribution to be not helpful.

choose one cause, like. feminism, environment, anti-racism, idk. look up organisations or groups that work for that cause, like my body my choice, fridays for future, extinction rebellion, food not bombs, pantifa, free palestine, etc etc, see if they have a local chapter in your city or a city near you, mail them, go to their meetings. if theres nothing, get creative with google, facebook and insta and search for independent local groups. queer centres, refugee help centres, squats. these sort of depend on social media presence so you should be able to find something after a while. mail or dm them, show up to their events and meet ups. check black boards at community centers, at schools and universitys, librarys etc. get AGGRESSIVELY involved. turn your anger into action. you only need like 3 people, design freeware, a room to meet (can literally be your own living/bed room, or fucking zoom) and a little bit of local clout (see above) and you can mobilize people to do protests, readings, info tables or other types of actions. be persistent. do not allow yourself and your new comrades to get tired. consistently do something for key days, like international womens day, trans day of remembrence, or something. after two or three years, your community will have grown, you will notice that you in fact make a difference. there are people depending on you and you are depending on these people. even if you are socially awkward i promise

edit: if there is nothing in your city: start it yourself. grab a friend. create a facebook and insta page, make a post what your group is about and then. plan your first meetup. start with casual shit. monthly feminist brunch at the local cafe. monthly queer chat at the library. aggressively advertise. properly tag your city and your causes. do not be afraid to put up flyers/posters in public that you print at home. i am sure after a while someone will show up. involve them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for intentionally spilling my drink on someone?

I attend a monthly book club meetup. Since it’s an LGBTQIA+ themed club and it’s welcoming and run very well, the club has a pretty decent number of regulars which notably includes several trans members. 

We had a new person (F, early 20s?, we will call her Mary) join the past couple meetings. She seemed chill in the first meeting but at the meeting last week she was wearing a H*rry P*tter sweater. Some of us talked about this before the book discussion started and a couple of trans club members expressed discomfort.

A few of us went to Mary and asked if she would be willing to remove the sweater for the duration of the club meeting. She seemed confused so we explained about the author of that series and how HP makes some trans members uncomfortable. She was still acting like she didn’t know what we were talking about. She said she was cold and refused to remove her sweater. She claimed she hadn’t heard this about HP before and that she’d have to look it up when she got home.

Well this pissed me off because Mary wasn’t listening to us, particularly the trans members who were telling her directly that the sweater was uncomfortable to them. I didn’t think she needed to go home and verify before agreeing with us when there’s people right in front of her saying it’s harmful. The kicker is the cafe wasn’t that cold. It seemed to me (and still does) that she was playing dumb bc I don’t know how someone interested in a queer book club wouldn’t know these things. But we said okay and told her we would send her resources for learning more, and I let her know that I was sure she would not want to wear the sweater next month after she reads up. I’ll admit she looked a bit worried but she just said thanks.

Well I got angrier the more I thought about it, because again, I think she was lying. When the club moved on to social hour I found her talking to someone. I suddenly had an idea to make her take off the sweater so I loosened the top off what was left of my iced coffee and I joined the conversation. While speaking I gestured wildly with my drink and spilled it on her sweater (it wasn’t very much but enough to make a stain across the front). I said “oh my god I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that! I forgot I was holding this!” Mary said it was okay and accidents happen, etc she got some napkins and started wiping off the sweater and basically just laughed it off. I walked off to go talk to other people but I happened to notice she left about 20 minutes later and she was still wearing her dirty sweater. 

A couple of my book club friends texted me later to ask if I’d done that on purpose and I said yes, and they said they thought it was mean and I shouldn’t have done it. But they aren’t trans so idk if their opinions on this are valid? None of the trans members have reached out to me about it so I don’t know their thoughts. I think I was justified to spill the coffee on her sweater but since the only people who said anything about it said I was an asshole I’ve gotten less sure. So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[butchpillowprince]

How do you build a butch community/scene in your local area? I've always been tempted to try it, but unable to know how to start

Honestly I started doing monthly meetups in my city and announcing the meetups on Instagram and Lex.

Choose a name for your group and make a social media presence, tag butch accounts, tag local queer accounts that track queer events in your area, get on local newsletters for LGBT orgs that announce events, and when you meet butches IRL, be bold and invite them to your meetups.

The meetups themselves can be anything you imagine. I live in a big city so we meet at local queer bars, host house parties, go to the beach, go to the park for picnics, go to movies, and I even arranged with a local bootblack to teach a class. I'm going to get a drag artist to teach a drag king class. I know another butch group that does monthly butch boxing. Be creative!

Think about how you frame the butch/masc centered space as well. For example, I specifically call out our space as being inclusive of trans women and centering studs and butches of color. Cis men and TERFs are not allowed. Things like that.

Be prepared for femmes to ask to come and telling them no, and make a decision about how you feel about futch people joining your space. As a compromise, I do the occasional "butches and those who love them" event to include people's friends and partners as well.

But yeah, ultimately, it's planning recurring events according to your interests and advertising them. Good luck!

[louizepoggie]

So ive wanted to get into sewing for a while now, got an old sewing machine last year and started buying up end pieces of fabric rolls since theyre cheaper. And lest october i got a project to start me off.

I met sam at the monthly trans* meetup i volunteer at and we were talking about the Phrase:"thats so gender". They then described their gender experience as like a nature mood board. Deep brown and green shades and moss and frogs and all the good stuff. I then offered to make a hat for them that looks like an acorns cap. I also might be crushing on them a bit. So there i go.

Over the following 2 months i took measurements and started looking for the right materials and a proper sewing pattern. The latter proving to be quite difficult.

So i found a nice wooly brown fabric for the outside and a really cute animal print jersey fabric for the inside. I dug out some leftover piece of green denim like fabric for the leaf on top.

So I got all i needed and set up the machine in my room and got to it with the only sewing pattern i found that wasnt meant for being worn off center. What i didnt realize was that the measurements were for a renfaire type beret which is wayyy larger than what i was looking for, so i ended up with this monstrosity.

Which is way too big, ill probably make a handbag or something out of that first attempt. So i went back to the drawing board and after like 30 minutes of looking for a better pattern i said fuck it and made my own.

The first Priority was the shape, i didnt want it to be all wobbly and saggy but instead to have some structure of its own so the simple way of just cutting two circles and making a headhole was out of the question. Therefore the top had to be made out of any number of triangles which would give enough structural support through the stitching lines since the wool fabric is pretty thick. I then went with six because it was the easiest to do since 360°/6 is 60° and it allowed me to work outwards from triangles with all same length sides.

The next issue shapewise was that i didnt want a high ledge but rather a somewhat stiff round shape so i went and mirrored the triangles with my thought being, that i could just cut the mirrored tips to leave a proper sized inner circumference once sewn together.

I did the math and i could not

It would just sit on top of the head, which would be fine for an actual acorn cap but isnt for a hat that is meant to be somewhat everyday viable. So i went with adding trapezoids to the triangles which allowed me to add more depth to the final fitting and properly adding a headband so it would be comfortable.

Heres some drawings and the final cutting pattern.

From there on out it was pretty much all smpoth sailing. I made a little twig and leaf with immense amounts of fabric glue. I mirrored the top shape for the inner lining and put it all together with a 10cm/4inch wide band of fabric.

So here we go, one acoen cap

I cant show it worn yet, since sam has a significantly smaller head than mine, but ill see them this a saturday and if theyre okay with it ill do a followup post

[nbselfielove]

Do you have any tips for a dysphoric closeted NB person? My family doesn't really accept that kind of stuff and I'm feeling really lost and depressed :(

I’m really sorry you’re in that situation.  I promise things can get better.  And there are a few things you can do now to help.

For some folks, some small changes to how you present can help.  Could you get away with a haircut that feels more like how you want to present?  Can you make small changes to the clothes you wear?  Even if you’re stuck shopping in a certain gender’s department at the store, you may be able to find things that are more masculine or feminine (depending on what you’re going for).  For example, when I started dressing more masculine, I would look for pants in the womens section that had real pockets, and I’d get button up shirts that looked as much like men’s shirts as possible.  I know it’s harder when you’re stuck in the mens section to find clothes that feel more feminine, but you might try looking for brightly colored shirts, or things with bold patterns.  

If you can get things mailed to you without your family snooping, you could try underwear that is more comfortable.  For folks who want something more masculine, I’d recommend tomboy X.  For amab folks looking for feminine underwear, I don’t have personal experience, but this page might be a good starting point. I’ve seen LeoLines on Etsy recommended by trans women, too.

If you’re amab and it feels right, you can try tucking.  Which is something I don’t know a lot about!  This site might be a good starting point.  And if you’re afab, you may be able to get away with binding without family noticing.  I think it’s best to get an actual binder and definitely don’t use ace bandages or other diy binding methods.  

Probably the most helpful thing you can do is find other trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people to interact with.  If you’re in a big enough city, you can probably find meetups or pflag meetings or something like that where you can meet people in your community.  Check out meetup.com for queer meetups in your area.  Even though I live in the suburbs, I actually host a couple all ages meetups every month, and have made some very good friends that way.  Pflag is all over the place, and usually have monthly meetings.  There’s no guarantee you’ll meet other trans folks, but sometimes cis queers can really be there for you too.

I hope that helps.  I’m sure other folks will have suggestions too, so check the notes on this post.

[estradiol-dyke]

Hey I just saw your post about not knowing how to do makeup and idk if it helps but I pretty much learned everything I know from Michelle phan on YouTube

thanks, I'll look into her! tbh I've been kind of put off of using online tutorials because they always seem to start really complicated when that's not what I'm after :/

There is a monthly trans makeup meetup near me that has people who can teach you and where you can experiment, but it's about 2.5 hours travel away so i haven't had time to be able to go yet :(

[lycanguts]

CALLOUT POST FOR A PAST ABUSER/MANIPULATOR

So this is definitely not my usual type of content, I don’t like causing unnecessary drama but this is inexcusable. It's probably weird seeing this in a fandom tag but these are his main interests and if it could be boosted in this communities it might save some people.

Tumblr user @yucee is a terrible person both in how he acts and how he treats other people, he’s manipulative, quick to deflect blame and never takes responsibility for his actions. As if that wasn’t bad enough he's also a pedophile.

This post will not only contain my testimonial but the testimonials of two others who also met him.

This one is a doozy but I recommend reading it, I want as many people as possible to see his true nature (especially anyone >22 years old).

I would like make it known that he loves to play the victim in any scenario regardless of whose fault it actually is (most of the time it’s his however, he has a real hard time accepting blame for anything).

While my trauma is not as severe as others who have come in contact with him he ruined what was supposed to be a fun weekend with my friends as well as our first meeting which should’ve been something amazing.

Unfortunately I deleted our conversations on Discord as I didn’t think when I did I would be making this type of post, thankfully his tumblr messenger is still open to me as well as a few text messages post-meetup. Most things that revealed his true nature were said during voice chat so most of these messages are only a small glimpse at what an awful person he is.

My Testimonial:

Hello my name is Anthony, I'm 22 years old and I had met yucee three years back when we had a mutual friend. While we didn’t have much in common he seemed like a nice enough guy and someone I’d like to befriend. We had similar tastes in pokemon as well as similar music tastes, and while we had known each other for three years we hadn’t really talked consistently until mid 2017. It was around the latter half of this year that I had developed feelings for him and after a few weeks of hesitation I asked him out and was excited when he said “yes”. Had third been months ago I’d say our relationship was a good one, he accepted me for who I was and I was just happy to find another trans guy with no interest in anything sexual.

However looking back now I realize not only was Yucee extremely self centered but he made sure to link me to his “coping” fic every other day expecting me to read he one sentence he had added while when I would send him my art it was a 50/50 chance I would ever receive good feedback if any at all (his comments were either “cute” or “gay”, sometimes he would just ignore it altogether).

Did I mention he also invited himself to the convention I attended this summer? Around mid March I had planned on asking him as I was going to test the waters and see if by describing my con experiences it would be something he would be interested in attending possibly next year, however as soon as I brought up I was going to a convention he chirped in with “I want to go too!”. He was excited, I was too, and we soon began to make plans to meet each other. During this time let me point out how he would say things like “are we going to be around your friends the entire convention?” and “since you always get to see your friends can I have you to myself?” And “next year, if you still like me then, I want to go to MTAC, just you and me I don’t want your friends there.” And other things of this nature. At first I thought he was just joking around but it became evident to me after the fact that he was becoming extremely possessive of me to the point he was already picking out what costume I would wear for MTAC. Not only this but when he learned me and my friends had already planned a cosplay group he became upset because we were dating so we should’ve had matching costumes. Again this was mid March and the convention was early in early June, I had been working on what costumes I had since December. He was dead set on cosplaying persona characters and while I liked persona I didn’t think I’d have enough time to throw a costume together. Eventually he seemed pleased enough I’d be cosplaying Akira Fudo while he cosplayed Akira from persona, but he still complained that me and my friend were acting more like a couple than he and I were because I had a matching cosplay with her, “we’re boyfriends we should be matching he’d say”. Again, my friends plan our convention going experience well in advance, Yucee had pushed himself into our plans and was upset that nothing was going his way 100%, and that reflected in his behavior at the convention (we’ll get to that shitshow soon enough).

So it’s planning time, we have a few months, I tell him what kinds of things he can buy in the vendor hall and he starts buying his costumes and he estimates he’ll be able to save at least $800 of his SSI checks up to the point, but him being the impulsive man he is he had barely $300. He didn’t even buy his own ticket, he had spent all of his check from May on even more akeshu prints and costume stuff so he didn’t have enough to pay for a preregistration ticket (these closed on may 31st), so I offered to buy his ticket if he paid me back when I came to get him.

When it came to the issue of how he was going to get to my home I of course offered to drive him as long as he helped with gas and such.

Many, many times I assured him I would come and get him, I even had my car worked on just so I could be confident it would make the trip, but every so often he would say things like “I shouldn’t even be planning this, none of my plans ever work out.”

Every time this came up I assured him that it wouldn’t be an issue, while I had never made a trip this long by myself before I was more than willing.

Whenever I picked him up he gave me $50 for gas when he should’ve given me $150 ($100 for gas there and back, $50 for the ticket). But if we wanna get technical he also owed me an extra $50 on top of this, money he said he’d pay me during the convention (he didn’t). I had bought him a pair of shoes for a costume he didn’t wear (because he was too busy wearing my Guzma shoes) and two face products he used twice but stopped using after it didn’t work fast enough for his liking.

The $50 he had given me however was money he had guilted his dad into giving him, his dad couldn’t meet me halfway because he had stomach issues and was worried he wouldn’t be able to make the trip, which I was fine with, but he had told me he would ask his dad for more money from his monthly check because it was “his [dad’s] fault” I would have to drive the whole way. Also when I first was introduced to his father he introduced me as his boyfriend when I had made it VERY clear that I wanted to be introduced as only a friend, so he outted me without even considering my feelings.

For most of the car ride back he complained constantly about the heat, I had warned him my A/C was on the fritz but he continuously brought t up ever few minutes that he was hot. It was a four hour car ride.

As for the convention itself I will condense it to bullets because there’s a LOT to dive into.

June 7th (Day Before Con)

-I had warned him that he would have to come to work with me when he stayed at my house, since he was unaccustomed to waking up early I offered to wake him twenty minutes before I left (8:00 AM). The moment he woke up he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, the first words out of his mouth were “what are we doing for breakfast?” When I offered him one of my protein bars he made he comment how that wouldn’t fill him up and how he needed something with sodium, he then proceeded to try to get me to cook him a can of soup. This was five minutes before I was supposed to leave to pick up my friend/coworker. I made him a peanut butter sandwich because peanut butter is filling and added a bit of salt because salty peanut butter is good. He didn’t even finish the sandwich, handed it back to me with two bites out of it and continued to complain about being hungry until lunch time.

-When my friend was talking about how shitty her parent was Yucee responded with “if that was my dad I would just stand up to him” without realizing that my friend’s parent is verbally and emotionally abusive to her, unlike his dad who I assume just doesn’t coddle him like his mom did. He would say often how his dad was a terrible person and then turn around and say he couldn't wait for his dad to get a settlement (which he intended to give Yucee a good part of). His dad is also accepting of him and supportive of him to the point he even is helping fund his T shots/top surgery. When I told him that my friend's parent was not his father he immediately fired back with "Oh well you can't compare suffering."

You're probably wondering why I referred to my friend's parent as her parent as opposed to her "mother", well about that...

This is in his about. We’ll get into this later.

-We’re short staffed at work, he offered to help. He refused to do litterboxes because of the smell, it took three times of asking him to sweep for me to eventually hand him the broom to sweep, he proceeded to wildly rock the broom back and fourth saying he didn’t know how to sweep, I then asked him to do dishes since he didn’t know how to sweep (he didn’t do the dishes).

-Asked me if he could wear my new pair of shoes because he didn’t have the foresight to pack a comfortable pair of shoes that weren’t for a costume ; whined when I said no because as I said these were my new shoes and a birthday present, continued to complain about how much his feet hurt in my old pair of work shoes I lent him.

-Did I mention he constantly stated that the government pays him to not know anything, and that was one of his many excuses on how he didn’t know how to do even simple tasks like sweep? Other excuses were “I didn’t know that” or “I’m autistic I can’t help it” or “I’ve never done this before.”

-Went into a frenzy when my friends went over a couple of aisles in a very small dollar store, “you guys were going to leave me!” he growled. We assured him we wouldn’t do that countless times after this, this would not be the first occurrence.

-we arrive at my Dad’s house where we would be staying for the convention. Yucee’s frantic squeaking of a toy he had caught the attention of my sister’s lab puppy, thinking Yucee wanted to play he grabbed the toy with his mouth earning a scream followed by a backhand from Yucee. He never apologized. While on the topic of animal abuse: Yucee is extremely neglectful of the three cats he owns. One is covered so badly in flea bites and scabs chunks of his fur are missing and the table on which they eat was covered in vomit and old food, plus they don’t have a litter box so they have to go outside to use the bathroom despite him living near a busy road. Yet he continuously says he wants more cats.

-Whined that his wig didn’t look -exactly- like the picture and proceeded to throw it on the ground, no one noticed him do this as we were busy with our own things. He came out after about a minute and shouted at us “Did no one see me throw my wig down?!” When my friend Seth apologized and pointed out we were all busy he verbally said “sigh”.

June 8th (Day 1 of the con)

-morning time, we’re all getting dressed in our cosplays, Yucee takes the longest despite having the simplest costume and demands that we show him how to apply makeup/put on a wig, after showing him a few times already the night before. he also asks us to do the tasks for him, including putting on his makeup and even partially dressing him (made someone put on his suspenders for him without him even trying beforehand) “I’ve never cosplayed before.” he would say. His outfit was a shirt, pants and a pair of suspenders, he wasn’t even wearing his wig.

-as for my birthday present from him: in the vendor hall he buys me three tiny buttons, $1 each, two buttons that have lgbt+ pride things on them, both of which I can’t wear in my daily life. He also buys me s hat that he didn’t ask if I wanted, especially since the only kind of hats I wear are baseball hats. You might think I’m just mad that I didn’t get presents I wanted, I’m usually the thought that counts type of guy, but he made it quite clear what he wanted for his birthday that was a month away while we were in the vendor hall, he kept making remarks how he wanted a commission done of his favorite persona character, he wanted multiple commissions, and he made it clear he wanted me to buy them. He still hasn’t wished me a happy birthday.

-me and my two friends have had a few pictures of us requested at this point , Yucee gets angry that no one recognizes his Ryuji cosplay and how no one had asked for a picture. Thirty minutes after this exchange someone asks for his picture, he declines saying he’s a “disgusting gross frog man”. Soon after he again complains about this issue.

-complained, constantly, every five minutes it was either asking me when we were going home or how there were no persona cosplayers (there were, plenty) or how he was so nasty and had to go home and shower/wash his clothes (he showered at least three times a day).

-pulled me away from activities with my friends because he wanted me to take him home to shower/wash his clothes (where we were staying was roughly 20 minutes from the convention center and it took him thirty minutes each time).

-straight up insulted cosplayers because they didn’t pick the outfit he liked for the character they were portraying or said he didn’t like the costume because they were acting “too straight”.

-got jealous because me and my friend were “acting more like a couple” than me and him were. My friend and I were Pipimi and Popuko from popteamepic, canonically they are girlfriends and the most my friend and I did was hold hands while skipping and playfully call each other “darling”. I didn’t want to hold hands with Yucee, I didn’t even want to touch him.

-reason I wouldn’t hold hands or even touch Yucee? He had broken many of my boundaries in a short span of time, while it was was wrong of me to not communicate this to him he still continued to push when I was visibly uncomfortable. A ten year friendship had lot less boundaries than a three year friendship/seven month relationship (that I had just met in person two days earlier). Yucee would constantly rub his hands over the back of my neck, he would constantly slap my arm and eventually did it in for me was when he snuck up behind me and angrily slammed his hand on my shoulder because me and my friends had “left” him. I nearly had a panic attack before I realized it was him. He never apologized.

-would go into a frenzy if my group travelled ahead without him, even if we were in sight and only a few feet away he would cry about how we were leaving him behind. Every time I assured him we wouldn’t leave him and he could call me should we get separated.

June 9th (Day 2 of the con)

-Morning routine similar to day one, complete with him still making someone else do his makeup for him

-Said “not all of us having living mothers” rather annoyingly when someone was complaining about their mom. This person didn’t know Yucee had “ptsd” and wasn’t even talking to him but rather to my friend. He sounded more annoyed than about to have a panic attack, he even said what was supposed to be his trigger word.

-Did have a “breakdown” however because we walked a few feet away from him, we were still in eyesight, he didn’t even attempt to keep up with us. Went to the nearest booth where he knew he’d get sympathy, a booth that he knew was run by someone’s MOTHER. Made the comment afterwards that he wished she would adopt him.

-Tried to guilt me should I be thinking about breaking up with him.

-Constantly says that he should’ve never of come and how he just wants to go home, even asks if I or my grandma can drive him home on day three.

So the convention dance party rolls around, which is basically just a clean rave, I’m hyped because this is the first time I’m actually going to break out of my comfort zone and attend it. Yucee wanted to go to as he said he had always wanted to see what a rave was like, the moment we step in he goes to sit in the corner by himself. I told him I’ll come check on him every few minutes, I left my phone with him to prove that would come back for him. A few minutes pass and I go to check on him, he says he’s going outside the door for a second to get some air, so I think nothing of it. I see that they’re selling light up face masks so I had to run to my car to get cash, a trip that’ll take me about ten minutes. I tell my friends where I’m going and that Yucee said he’d be right outside. Halfway on my trip back from the car I’m alerted that my friends can’t find Yucee. I start to panic and practically run back to where the dance party is, I meet up with my friends and we split up to look for him. It doesn’t take me long to find him because I look in the area where he said he was going: outside on the balcony. I look around and there’s a lot of people out there, none Yucee, but upon further inspection I see he’s all the way on the other end of the balcony where no one else is. I lose it because he didn’t tell anyone he was going over there, we all assumed outside on the balcony meant with the rest of the people taking a break, not wedged in a corner out of anyone’s sight line. That’s when I decide it’s time someone has a talking to with him. I ask my friend to tell him why what he did wasn’t okay while I go grab a cup of water, when I return to them my friend makes it clear it’s my turn to talk to him. That’s when I decide to break up with him, not because of his “break down” but because of his disregard of anyone else’s feelings that weekend. While I was considering it I was going to think it over after the convention and make my decision in the future, he twisted my arm for the last time though. 

-Yucee blames my friend Boo for the reason we broke up despite me clarifying that it was 100% my decision

-Also blamed her for being the reason he had a breakdown, because she didn’t coddle him like everyone else. Didn't even bother to apologize for the two breakdowns he had caused her, when I brought it up he would always go through me to do it.

-so after I gave him my two cents I let him stew in a safe space while I tried to enjoy the remainder of the day with my friends (it was 12 am at this point and the con center closed at 1 am). We went to the game room (which I told him about) and not ten minutes go by he’s spamming me with texts and calls to tell me this is why he has “trust issues”.

-We get home and he goes immediately to bed without a word to any of us

June 10th (Final day of the con)

-Stayed in my dad’s basement all day by request, barely paid me half of the convention ticket money he owed me because he had spent it all on merch

I didn't hear from him all day, didn't even acknowledge us when we returned to start packing up.

-when we arrived at my home after leaving my dad’s he locked himself away all night, I didn’t see him until the next morning when I drove him home. (which he didn't provide me gas for, didn't even say one word to me).

I was lucky that my friend Boo tagged along when I took him home because she is one of the best friends I have had or will ever have and despite Yucee's hatred of her he could actually learn a LOT from her about being a good person.

I did have some contact with him post convention which is outlined in most of these messages, but for about the past month I have not contacted him out of one anon (see end of this post).

So just keep in mind that when he says his convention experience was awful that he’s the reason for a good portion of it going bad, he didn’t even bother apologizing to my friends once for ruining their convention, a convention that we all look forward to a year in advance.

Now I believe my friend's deserve to have their voices heard.

Boo’s Testimonial:

(This one’s a bit messy thanks to tumblr’s image limit)

Seth’s Testimonial:

In summary: yucee aka Jamie/Mike McCarver is a lazy, manipulative, self centered man. He’s a 27 year old who acts like he’s a child and plays up his problems for sympathy, he refuses to ever take blame or apologize for anything because how could he do wrong when he’s autistic/disabled. If he ever does apologize he never says it directly to the person, rather he goes for a general apology. He also says he’s learned from his mistakes but it’s obvious that he’s just saying that in an attempt to placate those he’s wronged or save face.

He’s also known to twist words to garner sympathy, what a shocker:

I sent him an anon as bait because I knew he’d twist the words. But I never said he didn’t deserve testosterone, and he knows that’s not what I meant, by not publishing the ask he can twist the words how he likes, which he likes to do a lot.

The anon read “If you paint a piece of shit gold it’s still a piece of shit. I’m not sure what you think you learned from your experience but it doesn’t change that you’re a pedophile. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong, in the end you hurt someone and if your not man enough to just issue an apology to them you’re a coward and no amount of testosterone will make you a real man. Your mother and father would be ashamed.”

Oh, and don’t forget about him being a pedophile.

Yucee was/is a sexually aggressive pedophile who refuses to acknowledge that he’s mentally messed up someone so bad that it’s still affecting them to this day and doesn’t even bother to apologize to them because he thinks they’ve traumatized him too. They were 14 years old, he was 22. He seems to have made it his mission to demonize his victim when his victim has not even made contact with him in three years. He says he’s changed but continues to befriend people at least five years younger than him, while they still are legal adults it’s still creepy considering the past he’s had with younger individuals.

And Yucee if you’re reading this: Your victim has not sent you any anons, you know exactly who has because you’ve told me before you know it’s her. 

Please boost this, do NOT interact with this user to send hate, and PLEASE stay safe.

[digimedial]

Who's driving now? - DigiMediaL wrap up & consultation tips /  13th of December 2018

As the DigiMediaL_musik project is coming to an end by new years eve after nearly more than 10 years, this last Berliner Musiker*innen Treff offered a ceremonial project completion as well as a place for further consultation tips regarding the Berlin music scene.

We invited alumni, lecturers and cooperative partners from the past three years and also all interested people who would like to find their way around the consulting jungle in Berlin to come together.

Sandra Flachmann was guiding through a well organized variety of consulting opportunities in Berlin, (digital) networks and platforms, funding opportunities in music, information on workshops and lectures on music-related issues. So this time there was almost a two-hours program to  be enjoyed. 

First the OMA’s café was presented as it is still one of the last uncommercial spaces so close to Mitte and hosted us very friendly for the last couple of months. Also they are open to alternative uses of the space itself. The presentation and wrap up of the DigiMediaL-musik project and a brief introduction of cooperation partners and guests followed.

The talk opened up when alumni of the OnStage certificate course were joining the round, Lisa-Miriam Übel (OnStage IV) and Chrissy Möllers (OnStage II) sat down next to Sandra. For Chrissy it was most important, that OnStage opened the door to a variety of networks like Ramschakl or Tal der Verwirrung. As a result of these connections she created her own regular event series and doing bookings at the venue Klunkerkranich. She really liked the group work itself and the group dynamics and even though it was exhausting sometimes, it showed her how much potential a group can develope. Most problems she remembered of the processcame from dealing with their main event location as at that time the owners of the location were in the process of just forming their own group also. Reflecting the self inside a group was the biggest learning for her. Lisa told that she found it very interesting how the development was from the first meeting until the main event, as many creative heads ‘have strong personalities’ and they all didn’t know each other before. To manage this and combining very different tastes while fulfilling the tasks that needed to be done to get the event going was a challenge and at the same time showed her how much is possible in such a short time. Also for her own it was a push to really finally prepare a live set. Developing new friendships and collaborations, she said she took a lot of values from the OnStage course with her.

The first pitch was made by Maureen Noé of Musicboard Berlin. This is one of the biggest or maybe the central funding organization for pop music in Berlin. It covers nearly any genre, just no straightforward jazz or classical music. The Music Board tries to be very approachable and do consultings in English and German. They distribute financial support towards artists directly and to projects, organizers and festivals (in Berlin). ‘Karrieresprungbrett’ for example is a program to establish newcomers and ‘Pop im Kiez’ is raising awareness for the acceptance of live music in neighbourhoods. Most deadlines to apply for scholarships are around February (only for newcomers registered in Berlin, roughly 5000-10000 €). Above all you apply with music, next to a small project plan, CV of your artistic career and a small finance overview for the jury to decide. They are active in supporting more female*, non binary and trans artists.

Giuditta Panzieri of Music Pool Berlin followed. The non-profit organization exists since 2014 and offers a mix of think tank, consulting, education and networking. The aim is helping musicians to take a step forward and to be able to navigate inside the Berlin music industry. They offer 4h-workshops once a week (15€) on topics like e.g. marketing, branding, music licencing, DIY booking and similar to support independent artists. There are two types of consultation (all available in German and English): One for free and one that that offers you a ‘personal expertise’ (20€=1h). Once a month there is an event called ‘Community evening’, an easy going conference offering different topics and experts with changing locations every time. The other event of the Music Pool is the artist meetup, where artists are free to sign up for a slot and then do a pitch to show what they are doing at the moment as well as to ask for feedback and ressources.

The Berlin Music Commission was represented by Tim Joppien who first stated that this network and cooperative consists of 120 members with a background in labelwork, management, radio stations and booking agencies. They also do consultations but workshops and thinktank formats as well. Tim called the Music Commission a ‘music industry network’ which targets companies, but also more and more ‘individuals’. They were part of the ‘Most wanted: Music convention Berlin’ and do a monthly event called ‘Backstage’ which for example tries to bring together people who create music and other industries like the film industry. Their ‘Sprechstunde Musikwirtschaft’ is a consultation for basic music industry knowledge and there is a program for internationalisation called ‘Music Ambassador’. Via their platform ‘listen to berlin’ they are including compilations of newcomers and the applications usually open up around April.

After a short break Mona Katawi of the transnational counseling center ‘Landesmusikrat Berlin’ explained her offer, which she does in four different languages (German, Arabic, English, Turkish).  She manages the program ‘Information about the music market’, making information available for people who just came to Berlin, especially for musicians in exile who just fled their country. It is mostly a very general consultation, like for example regarding “what is the KSK and how to I get in”. They also work together with Kulturförderpunkt and ver.di, accompanying people who mostly need translations and emotional support with bureaucratic appointments in Germany. Also they made a map visible on landesmusikrat-berlin.de/projekte/musikarbeitsmarkt which shows various institutions and locations regarding music. The program is funded by the ‘Senatsverwaltung für Kultur und Europa’.  

Sebastian Hoffmann who is working inside the ‘touring artists’-advisory package of SMartDe Netzwerk für Kreative e.V. explained that they are open to all sectors of music and the music industry. They give advices regarding VISA, residential questions, transports, taxes, insurances and similar issues. Except German and English they offer some information in Polish, French, Dutch and some Italian. As they are funded from the federal government they offer free consultation via phone, in universities and through workshops. Mainly they focus on two ways of consultation: for people who just arrived to Germany and for people who want to travel outside Germany. The next workshop will be on January 15th in the afternoon from 2-6pm at Music Pool; an overall crashcourse on all topics shown on the website. Costs 15€.

Following this, Matthias Krebs of DigiMediaL_musik introduced the free online platform SKILLFRIED which is focussing on music projects and is all about connecting professional musicians as well as freelancers and creative heads. This is especially interesting for people who are already experienced in music-related projects and are searching for new partners or collaborateurs.

Last but not least the current initiative savemauerpark.de was given the space to make the situation visible by a delegate of busking.co; musician and (street) artists Laura Hoo. Not only being linked to other busking projects all over Europe, she is involved into founding the Verein related to streetmusicberlin.de, trying to help out street musicians in a time when more and more places are getting problematic and finally shut down. As the rules for busking are not really clear and visible in Berlin, buskers are threatened about losing their instrument through confiscation. Since summer weekly demonstrations in Mauerpark took place, as the situation got out of hand during summer with a lot of neighbour -and police troubles. To support the cause and buskers in their work, it’s about getting involved and spreading the word and awareness or simply get in contact to join the weekly meetings. At the moment, the initiative tries to do lobby work in Pankow/for Mauerpark but probably has to go for a berlinwide movement. Everybody signing the petition to create pressure on the authorities helps the cause!

Closing wrap up, Sandra mentioned some more institutions to find consultation and networks:   -female:pressure -culture container -ALEX Offener Kanal Berlin  -musicBwoman.de

Like always there was time for questions and networking and the evening was rounded off by a cosy talkative session from an audience that clearly appreciated the Berliner Musiker*innen Treff. Thanks & Good-bye! :-)

[gfriendlighting460]

Happens Dating Site

So, the time has come to put an end to the era of your dating account with your (preferred) dating site. Hopefully you found the one you were looking for, or maybe you simply got bored with the site, or alternatively you were fed up with constantly trying to grab someone else’s attention. Either way, you are looking for a way to finish your online dating session and avoid that you’ll be charged after your cancelation. The process is a bit more complicated than simply pushing a big large exit button, but only a little bit. All you need to know is that there are two steps required to completely shut down your account. First you need to cancel your subscription to make sure you’re no longer being charged, and then cancel your account altogether.

Here are 5 tips to help you spot scammers on dating sites and help protect you from being taken advantage of. And yes, I took the screenshots from actual conversations on dating sites such as Zoosk, POF, Coffeemeetsbagle, and MeetMe to name a few. Keep an eye open for bad grammar. Misspelled words are going to happen especially if you're on. Facebook Dating makes it easier to find love through what you like — helping you start meaningful relationships through things you have in common, like interests, events and groups. It takes the work out of creating a dating profile and gives you a more authentic look at who someone is. Today, we’re launching Facebook Dating in the US.

Cancelling Your Paid Subscription vs Cancelling Your Account

One often mistakes these two, but there is a significant difference between them. To put it simply, when you cancel your subscription, you stop paying for the premium membership, and your account is transformed back to its free (but restricted) version. In this case you are typically still able to access your data, browse your existing contacts, but the perks acquired with the premium accounts are gone. This can be considered as a break from paying the monthly fee. If your dates are going along nicely, but unsure whether or not exterminate the account, this is the comfortable middle ground.

Canceling your account altogether, on the other hand, means that you completely delete your profile, and disable any progress you made so far. We only recommend this step when you are fully determined to end your history with the dating site. In most cases there is no turning back from cancelling your membership, while a canceled subscription can be reactivated anytime, while the basic (free) account time remains yours for time’s being. Even if you are happy with your current partner, it’s good to have a return path to the online dating environment you’ve become familiar with.

Let’s See it in Action!

In case you are rolling with the subscription cancellation, your job is pretty straightforward. First, head to your dating site and log in. Select the account settings (or their equivalent) and choose the subscription or payments menu. Here you’ll find the corresponding options, and among them there will be one related to the renewal of payments. When subscribing, most dating sites turn on automatic renewals, meaning that when a payment period ends, it charges you immediately for a new one. If you wish to delete your account, make sure to cancel in time, as dating sites rarely return unused months of service.

And one more thing: it’s possible to unsubscribe from your mobile dating app as well. The steps are quite similar, here’s an example of cancelling your Zoosk subscription on iPhone.

Cancelling Your Paid Zoosk Dating Subscription on iOS

Apple and Google make sure that the users of their mobile operating systems enjoy a smooth and seamless experience with using and purchasing apps and subscriptions. For this reason they make handling your app subscriptions, including those of dating apps, fairly straightforward and transparent. As a matter of fact, the system is more clear and transparent than when you have a direct subscription through the dating website itself. The example below for the cancelation of a paid Zoosk subscription on an iPhone demonstrates how this works for subscriptions to dating sites and apps through iOS:

In your iPhone’s Settings app, go to the iTunes & App Store settings.

Tap your Apple ID at the top of the screen, and then choose View Apple ID, after which you’ll have to enter your password or Touch ID to view and edit your settings.

On the Account page, you’ll see the title Subscriptions. Press the Manage button to be taken to a page that shows all your current and past subscriptions. Here it will for instance show under “Your Subscription” your canceled Zoosk subscription with your options to resubscribe underneath it. If it mentions “Expired” with a date next to it, you can rest assured that your subscription was canceled and your credit card won’t be charged again.

Step by Step Account Cancellation

Deleting your account permanently isn’t much different from suspending the subscription. You just need to look for the kill switch in a different menu. Let’s demonstrate it through three examples for three of the most popular dating websites:

As a premiere trans dating app and website, Trans4Date is a place where thoughtful daters can make a match with a transgender person for free. Contacting new friends or a potential dating partner is completely free on the dating site. Reddit’s r/t4t subreddit is essentially a personals-style online dating forum for transgender people. While it’s not as detailed as more established trans dating sites, this subreddit is designed. Dating sites with trans option.

Zoosk

Open your browser, and log in to your Zoosk account

Go to the Account Settings, then head to Account Status and hit Edit.

Click “Deactivate”, and confirm it.

eHarmony

Log in to your eHarmony Account and find the Account Settings page.

Go to the “Close Account” page, hit the “Close” button, then verify it.

If you wish to have your details and pictures removed from eHarmony’s servers as well, send a request to their customer support.

Match.com

Access your Match.com profile, and visit the “My account settings” page.

At the bottom you’ll see a link: “To delete your account and permanently remove your profile from the site, click here”. Click this link.

The system asks to confirm your intentions again, and then deletes your account.

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By/Oct. 12, 2017 2:03 pm EDT/Updated: Oct. 12, 2017 2:03 pm EDT

Whether you love it or hate it, online dating is here to stay. It seems like most people use apps like Tinder and Bumble or sites like OKCupid and Match.com to find the next person they're going to date. But sometimes, online dating gets overwhelming. It can become a full time job. And there are no hard and fast rules for how to do it right. I went to the experts to find out their suggestions for what you should and shouldn't do when you're online dating.

Do stay safe

One of the most important things you can do when online dating is protect yourself. Unlike meeting a potential partner through a mutual friend, you don't know much about the people you meet online. Dr. Jaime Kulaga, life coach and PhD. told me, 'While dating online can produce long lasting relationships and happiness, sadly, the internet can be a place where people scam others and invade privacy.'

Be especially careful when meeting someone for the first time. Dr. Kulaga added, 'When you go out on a first date, make sure that friends or family know where you are going and never go to someone's house alone. Make sure that your first date is somewhere in public (movies, dinner, theme park, etc). Safety first!'

Do use photos that show the real you

While it might be tempting to use glamour shots of you that were taken ten years ago, don't do it. You want your photos to be an accurate representation of you so that when people meet you in real life, they get what they expect. Therapist Katie Krimer, MS, LMSW told me, 'If you are on dating sites, the first impression is everything! Unfortunately, these sites encourage people to judge based on physicality, more than the content of character — that's the nature of the online/app dating game.'

Krimer added, 'To maximize your success in meeting the right person, have photographs that are reflective of who you are and what you look like. The first photo is your first impression — try and remember that when you're coming up with your collection. Don't put up photos that are offensive or deceiving or that don't demonstrate who it is you really are.'

Dallas Christian Singles. 8,542 Single Christians Dallas, USA. Fred Pascarelli. Organized by Fred. Here's a look at some Christian Singles groups near Seattle. Photo: The Calgary Astronomy Meetup Group. Groups your friends have joined. Christian singles groups kansas city. Christian Singles Groups Offer More Social Opportunities! Find new friends in church singles groups all across the country through our growing directory of church singles websites. Make new contacts with people that share your faith and just happen to be single like you. See the map here and select your state. Volunteers who would like to start a singles group with a Christian singles website in their city are needed. This site is designed to bring Christian singles together, meet their social needs and then direct people to a local church for further support. If you have a Christian singles group or singles ministry that you would like to share, click on Add Group. If you want to meet local singles, make new friends.

Do go beyond photos when matching and liking

Even though photos are very important, don't discard a potential match just because of their appearance. David Bennett, certified counselor, relationship expert and co-author of seven self-help books, told me, 'Studies show most people base online dating primarily on the photos. While this isn't bad, it's the main reason so many people complain that sorting through the duds online is too much work, because just because someone looks good doesn't mean they are dating or relationship material.'

When choosing a partner, looks are only one part of the equation. Bennett suggested, 'Give personality more weight, and swipe left on guys and gals you know wouldn't be good for you, even if they're hot. You'll get higher quality matches.'

Do be self-aware in the process of dating

It's easy to get caught up worrying what your dates want and care about and to neglect your own wants and needs. One of the best things you can do in this process is to be self-aware. Krimer told me, 'Check in with yourself before you get out into the dating world or whilst dating.'

Krimer suggested that you ask yourself the following questions: 'What is it that might be affecting/might affect your dating experience? Do you like/love yourself? Do you know what you want and need? Are you ready to be in a serious relationship? Do you trust your judgment? What is your attachment style? What fundamental values do you want to align with your potential mate? Are you emotionally ready? Are you a good communicator?'

Relationships are complex, and it's important to recognize them as such. Krimer told me, 'Acknowledge all of the important factors that make a relationship healthy and work — are you confident in your ability to contribute to a relationship in these ways? If you experience difficulty in any of these areas, consider the fact that they may affect the outcome of your dating experiences. For example, people who have trouble loving themselves will often choose partners who will confirm their beliefs about themselves.'

Do keep it fun

While relationships are serious business, make sure that you enjoy yourself. Krimer told me in our interview, 'It's really easy to get caught up in the stresses of meeting someone — let alone meeting the right someone.'

Instead of letting yourself get stressed out, she suggested, 'Make a conscious choice to think of ways to find enjoyment in meeting new people and putting yourself out there — focus on the process instead of the outcome. If you put too much pressure on the expectation of meeting someone, you're much more likely to feel disappointed or discouraged if it's not what you expect it to be.'

Do keep your bigger goals in mind

I've seen many friends let their longterm goals go out the window when they meet someone they really like, but who may not be a great long term match. Krimer suggested that you keep your goals front and center. She said, 'Do know your goals for what you're looking for — what are your intimacy and relationship needs? Are the people you're meeting matching those needs? Are you getting into relationships with people with conflicting relationship goals (i.e. you want a long term relationship, but your current partner just sees it as a casual fling)? Being honest with yourself and others about what it is you want in a relationship can help prevent unnecessary stress or uncertainty later on.'

Choose to spend your time on online platforms where you are more likely to meet other people with similar goals. Dr. Kulaga told me, 'There are online dating sites for everyone's desires. Whether you are looking for a long-lasting relationship or just want to 'play the field' for a while, online dating has you covered. However, you want to keep your bigger goals in mind when entering some of these dating sites.'

She added, 'If your desire is to find someone looking for a long term relationship, you wouldn't want to sign up for a dating site that is known for short term flings. You are doing yourself a disservice when you waste time and energy on dealing with things that don't directly impact your bigger goal.'

Do use a variety of apps

Speaking of choosing apps carefully when online dating, it's a good idea not to limit yourself to just one. Bennett told me, 'Different apps have different strengths and weaknesses. It may take some time to find which app is right for you. Some apps cater more toward a younger demographic, while others skew older. Some focus more on relationships, while others seem geared toward flings and dating around.'

While most of the apps and sites have particular reputations, don't let that keep you from trying them out. Bennett added, 'Your own experience of these apps may defy the typical experience. Try a variety of apps for a few months and then go from there.'

Don't be lazy when using online platforms

It can be tedious to fully fill out your profile when you're on a dating site, but buckle down and do it anyway. You'll save a lot of time you would have spent going out with the wrong people. Dr. Kulaga told me, 'If you are dating online and have an opportunity to fill out a profile or inventory about who you are, and what you like/dislike, do it!' She explained that this is the best way to find someone who is a good fit for your wants, desires, and personality. You are representing yourself in your profile, and that's the first impression potential matches are going to see. She said: 'Invest the time and effort into attracting the right person.'

When you reach out to a potential match, take the time to write something thoughtful. Bennett told me in our interview, 'Don't use a boring or standard opening message. Online dating is very competitive, and some people have anywhere from hundreds to even thousands of likes, matches, and messages to sort through. A hey or WYD isn't going to cause you to stand out.'

Don't take it personally if someone isn't interested

When I was online dating, the first date usually led to disappointment, and it was hard not to get discouraged and feel down about myself. But in most cases, it's not worth it to take rejection personally. Dr. Kulaga told me, 'If someone doesn't respond to a request you sent them or someone doesn't follow up after a first date, move on.'

Not only does it feel bad to internalize every rejection, it can also keep you from meeting someone you click with. Dr. Kulaga continued, 'If you sulk, ruminate and dwell on the fact that someone didn't come through on a follow up, this will hold you back from meeting the real Mr. or Ms. Right.' She explained that ruminating can lower your confidence, preventing you from putting yourself back out there and meeting someone who is an even better match.

Celebrate your mismatches instead of getting upset about them. In Dr. Kulaga's words, 'Be happy the person didn't come through and you didn't waste any more of your precious time. Move on.' Instead of dwelling on rejections, spend your time remembering what's great about you. Krimer told me, 'Going into the dating world knowing that you have a lot to offer can really buffer some of the potential effects of dates not working out and can help you not to personalize dating experiences that may be perceived as rejection.'

Don't keep dating someone if they're not a good fit

It can be tempting to keep talking to someone, even if a little voice at the back of your mind is telling you they're not right for you. Dr. Kulaga told me it's better to move on when that happens. She said, 'If you are emailing someone back and forth and recognize this person is not a good fit for you, or you go on a date that just wasn't your cup of tea, let the person know. Be upfront and don't lead people on. Not only does this waste their time, it is wasting yours.'

On the same note, it's important that you be honest about what you're looking for so that you don't end up dating someone who is wrong for you. Krimer told me, 'Be upfront about what you're looking for when meeting people. In this day and age, the word clingy gets thrown around a lot — someone who is secure and emotionally mature will be open to hearing about your readiness for a relationship, and you should feel safe in expressing at least a general sense of what you want from a dating experience.'

https://gfriendlighting460.tumblr.com/post/657825314304589824/best-dating-websites-for-19-year-olds. When you trust your intuition and you're clear about what you're looking for, you'll spend more time dating people who are a better fit for you, raising your chances of finding someone you can see yourself with long-term.

Don't jump to the finish line

While you want to be honest about what you're looking for in a partner, don't let your desire to get married and have kids get in the way when you first start dating someone. Dr. Kulaga told me, 'If your ultimate goal is to get married and you go on a first and second date with someone dreamy, don't blurt out the marriage countdown! You will scare this perfect match away!'

Instead, she suggested, 'Enjoy the journey and take your time in a relationship. You might be dying to show off an engagement ring on social media, or you might feel like you are last on your list of friends to marry, but don't jump to that finish line just yet. Enjoy the process, get to know the person and create memories before you drag them into your pre-written agenda.'

Don't play games

You're probably well-aware of the spoken and unspoken dating 'rules,' but when it comes to finding a potential partner, it's better to just drop the game-playing. Krimer told me, 'If you went on a date and had a terrific time, don't buy into the game-playing and rules. Let that person know soon after your first date that you really enjoyed your time!'

You may think this will make you seem too eager, but it will actually help you see if they're a good match more quickly. Krimer continued, 'They'll either reciprocate if they felt the same way, or you will know by their response or behaviour if they aren't interested in pursuing anything further. There's no need to wait days before you text or call — if you like someone, let them know it!'

Don't let them get away with poor communication

I can't count the number of times my friends have complained that the men they meet online don't call or text them enough. It seems like poor communication has become standard in online dating. But it doesn't have to be. If they want to communicate with you, they will. And if they don't, cut them loose.

Krimer told me, 'Don't buy the I'm really busy with work excuse to justify lack of communication — I've had patients who are in relationships with doctors who work 17 hour days and still manage to text their partners in breaks between OR time. We're all busy people — but we know that we make time when we want to make time.'

Is Dateyou A Real Dating Site

When someone you're dating doesn't respond to your texts, it hurts. But don't just brush it off. Krimer told me, 'Don't fall into the he's/she's just a bad texter trap to continuously excuse poor communication. Even if texting isn't someone's main mode of communicating, if they are ready and interested in pursuing a relationship, it will be reflected in their behaviour. They will absolutely find a way to check in, keep you in the loop, and make themselves available to talk.'

Don't rush the dating process

Unfortunately, the dating process can take awhile. Even getting on that first date can feel difficult. Bennett told me, 'Don't expect to get a date right away. Statistics show that around one third of online dating users never go on a date. The number was as high as seventy percent without a date in one study focused on Tinder. These apps aren't magic, and going from matching and messaging to an actual date is pretty much just as hard online as it is in the offline world.'

Happen Dating Site Uk

Happen Datingsite

Instead of getting anxious to 'meet the one' already, Krimer suggested, 'Engage in the dating experience with a different mindset. Don't look at it as a success or failure, but rather as an adventure you're taking on.' She added, 'Remind yourself of your great qualities and that dating can feel exhausting and it can take a lot of time to meet someone with whom you feel really connected.'

[realtransfacts]

Do you know any lists of Australian nonbinary meetups? Im nb, and I was going to go to a monthly trans meetup near me, but I'm scared of a trans guy I used to be friends with being there. I've seen him saying on his tumblr that any nb person who is anything more specific than just "nonbinary", "genderfluid" or "agender" is a special snowflake cis person, let alone anyone who dares use neopronouns, and I'm scared the group I was going to go to shares his opinions...

I’m sorry your ex-friend turned out to be such an exorsexist and transphobic asshat. It really sucks when someone that’s supposedly from your own community turns to such harmful respectability politics like that.

I don’t know of any meetsups like that though, sorry.

If any of my followers do, please do feel free to add to this post and tell us!

[queerascat]

I read your post about transphobia of Japan. I identify myself as genderqueer and MtF lesbian. I tried to join the event for lesbians in Tokyo, but they rejected me at the entrance. Because, I have my beautiful beard and my ID says I am biologically male. I was there with my classy black dress, but they didn't think me as woman! This is so transphobic! Also, I think the term lesbian itself is very transphobic. TERF lesbians should go to hell. We need safe space for queer and non-binary in Japan!

i’m really sorry to hear about the shitty experience that you had, anon. sadly, it’s not the first time that i’ve heard of someone having this experience and i suspect that i might even know the event that you tried to go to. it’s incredibly frustrating how a lot of LG(BT) spaces / events in Japan are gendered, binarist, cissexist and / or transphobic…

i respectfully disagree that the word “lesbian” itself is transphobic, however. it’s my personal opinion that people (such as TERFs) are transphobic and transphobic people can and do use words in transphobic ways, but the word “lesbian” in and of itself isn’t transphobic.

having said that, i totally agree with you that TERFs (by they lesbian or not) can and should fuck off.

speaking of safe places for queer and non-binary people in Japan, there’s actually a great event going right now as i type this. it’s called ジェンダーフリーパーティー X (Gender Free Party X). it’s an event specifically made for trans / non-binary people (although anyone is free to attend) that’s held a few times a year in Tokyo. i’ve gone to one of their events in the past and i can’t recommend it enough if you’re a trans / non-binary person in Japan who wants to meet other trans / non-binary people or just be in a non-gendered space where people are conscious and accepting of gender variance.

if by chance you see this in time, perhaps you could even check it out tonight? otherwise, i’m sure another party will be held again in a few months time and perhaps i’ll even see you there? ;) you can keep up on when the next event will be held by following or periodically checking the event’s Twitter, here.

that event aside, it can be really hard to find safe, inclusive spaces / events… there are a few “mix bars” (ミックスバー) in Ni Chome that anyone regardless of gender or sexuality are welcome in, but i can’t think of a particular one off the top of my head to recommend. there are also Xジェンダー (non-binary) / trans specific オフ会 (meetups), but you usually have to find out about them via word of mouth or Twitter. lastly, there are also LGBT cafes in Tokyo like CoCoLo Cafe and Café Lavandería, which are great places to grab a bite to eat, read a book or hangout with friends. Café Lavandería in particular sometimes has great live music with occasional spoken word and other artistic events, but i highly recommend them both if you just want a safe space without the goal of actually meeting new people.

anyway, i totally feel your pain, anon. it really, really pisses me off how gendered, transphobic, cissexist, etc things are here… i keep telling my cis lesbian Japanese friends why going to lesbian events with them makes me uncomfortable because i know i’m literally only allowed through the door based on being misgendered as female– that if i didn’t “”appear female��” to them, they totally would not even let me in– but they don’t seem to understand how upsetting that or the transphobia etc in general is…. there are, of course, lesbians in Japan who aren’t like that and who are accepting of trans / non-binary people, but general awareness of trans / non-binary anything is so poor in Japan to begin with, making finding such people hard… sigh.

hang in there, anon. things are slowly but surely getting better as Xジェンダー / trans people in Japan are slowly but surely creating spaces and events for ourselves to combat the current state of the LG(BT) community in Japan. it takes a lot of time, patience and effort, but i hope you can find safe spaces for yourself in the meantime.

all the best!

edit: ah, one more thing that i only just remembered. i recently found out that Gold Finger, a well-known lesbian bar in Ni Chome, has an “LGBT Karaoke Night” every Friday night where they open up the bar to everyone. i hesitate to mention Gold Finger at all, though, because they have been known to not allow trans women into their bar when it’s a “women only” night or into their monthly parties… chances are high that the event that you were turned away from may have been affiliated with them. that said, it’s an option that exists in a country with so few options at all, so i thought i’d throw it out there with that cautionary tidbit of information for people to decide for themself whether to go or not. there’s also an "FTM Night" on Mondays for those interested in that.

[jewishtransdyke]

If you're queer and/or trans and you're in Los Angeles, you really owe it to yourself to check out Cuties Coffee Bar. It's literally my favorite place in the whole city. I've been going there since it opened, and before that, I was going to the monthly Queers, Coffee, & Donuts meetups at Iris & Virginia's house (which are still going on, but at Cuties now). They're the sweetest people, and they make amazing coffee. This is not a sponsored post, they didn't even ask me to promote them; I'm just doing it because I love them and their coffee bar *so much*. Seriously, go there. You won't regret it.